The latest Thinking Homeschooler topic is to imagine what you would be doing right now if you didn’t have children.
So there are these two wonderful people in my life who weren’t there 15 years ago and I’m supposed to imagine they aren’t here now. Almost impossible!
And sad. Because I had an OK life before the kids. DH was terrific, as always. We had bought a little house and I had my little job.
But it wasn’t a full life. There was plenty of time to party and goof off and not get things done. But there wasn’t much to point to and be proud of. Just going along, doing the next thing. Or not. There was a lot of “or not.” It was an unfocused life.
So, if I had never had children, would I still be wandering and unfocused? I don’t know. It’s so difficult to imagine that I would have suddenly found as much inspiration doing something else as I find in my children.
We briefly discussed the possibility. I was an older mother. I guess I still am. 🙂 But, at 36, there was the chance that I wouldn’t be able to have children. And so it was wonderful to hear DH say he’d still like to be married to me even if we couldn’t have kids, which was the reason we were even talking about marrying after 13 years of living together.
But if I hadn’t been able to get pregnant . . . after some time, I would hope I would adjust and find something useful to do with my time.
I suppose I could have become involved in politics. Becoming one of those wonderful people with no children who know that yours should be in public school and just how all that should be handled.
Or I could have found something that involved children — volunteering at the local Boys & Girls Club or school. All the while having no insider’s perspective on any of it.
Or I could have given a damn about work and made more money. And what? Had a perfect house — no posters pinned to the wall, no toys scattered in the yard, perfect grass and enough money to get new furniture instead of shopping thrift stores.
Maybe I would have had new clothes, too. And an actual hairstyle! Those things just don’t matter when a toddler is climbing on you or a teen needs to get somewhere.
Maybe I’d have traveled. That sounds like fun.
Damn, this is difficult to do. I think of traveling and immediately think about seeing some interesting landmark — with DH and DD and DS! Now, block the last two images out of the picture, leave only DH in — yep, I could do it. It would be fun.