“Sexist Patriarchal Tyranny” of Homeschool Divorce

1 08 2010

How to help homeschool moms who divorce?:

I am making it my personal mission in my lifetime to see the divorce stigma within the home schooling community be exposed for the sexist, patriarchal tyranny that it is. I hope to see women band together to help each other raise their children and home school their children in spite of divorce.

I hope Snook can help her. I hope we all can. Sounds like it will take both the secular and sacred putting their values where their mouths are, to get it done.

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13 responses

1 08 2010
COD

That letter she quoted was more than a little icky. Suck it up and bear it because the judge is probably an unsaved heathen?

1 08 2010
JJ

No kidding.

Coincidentally, the NYT Sunday Styles section has stories about changing marriage and divorce cultures, including the odd new custom of men’s engagement rings and the older yet still growing “un-divorce.” I never knew Mr. Omaha Common Sense and Traditional Marketplace Values Warren Buffet had one of the latter since the 70s. . . it was so scandalous when Tracy and Hepburn did it!

(There’s also a story about tattoos going mainstream cool for married women including several European First Ladies, and little city kids learning a deadly Jewish form of martial art for which their parents pay $2,000 per year.)

For me the same section’s feature on why we like Mad Men helped explain all of the above:
Cultural Studies:The Allure of Messy Lives

Don’t we all “smolder a little against . . .repression . . .” in any age? AT any age?

1 08 2010
Lynn

The purpose of the Unity-N-Diversity blog has always seemed a little contrary to what I think I’ve learned about the home ed “community,” which is that there can be no unity among (the majority of) homeschoolers who identify themselves *primarily* as opponents of the other(s). Christian parents groom their children to govern and subjugate ours – and words like “diversity” and “multiculturalism” are insults, not values to which they aspire; divisions that exist among homeschoolers are just a reflection (magnification?) of that larger culture war, yada, yada, yada 😉

No offense to the U-N-D blog, of course.

1 08 2010
Lynn

Btw, have you noticed all the new enthusiasm for rescission no-fault divorce laws? Ah, the good ol’ days when you had to prove adultery (the only legitimate reason allowed by “God”) on the part of the spouse you were divorcing. It’s in the 2010 GOP state platform of Texas (and probably others). There was also mention of “covenant marriages,” as I remember.

Honestly, I’ve always wondered about how people continue to homeschool after a divorce, which is often financially devastating. It seems like the non-working spouse would have to find a new source of income (I hear Obama is a great provider!) – or the working spouse has to be earning enough to support two households, which is uncommon, especially these days.

I had a neighbor who was determined to maintain her married lifestyle as a SAHM following a divorce that she initiated. She refused to budge – lost everything – and even spent some time in jail; but her daughter suffered most of all.

2 08 2010
COD

This is where the at fault divorce still has some value, IMHO. If mom is happily HSing and dad decides to take up with his secretary, mom’s lifestyle changes should be minimized as much as reasonable., And if that means dad lives in a one bedroom studio after the divorce because his alimony and child support is so high, that’s life. If it is more of a no-fault divorce, two people just tired of each other, then I don’t think dad should have any legal obligation to fund a SAHM lifestyle for his newly single ex.

(Assuming the traditional dad as bread winner scenario for simplicity. Obviously it could work the other way too)

2 08 2010
JJ

I know of one at least and almost certainly two, of these “un-divorces” in people close to me IRL. Adultery is not an issue in either case and in both, the women hold more financial power and have put more into the joint pot to date, yet are choosing for practical and humane motives not to get into legal separation even, never mind very costly-to-all-parties divorce. This leaves both women and one’s children continuously vulnerable imo . . .but I can’t deny it would be risky and even more expensive to go forward legally/judicially. What’s wrong with this picture??

2 08 2010
Audrey

What I find most interesting is how many hard-core fundies are on their 2nd and subsequent marriages themselves. Only they claim the previous divorces were because one of them wasn’t “saved” yet and everything after they got “saved” is like a “do-over” with their god.

Yeah. Right.

It’s spelled h-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-e.

3 08 2010
Lynn

Chris: “This is where the at fault divorce still has some value, IMHO. If mom is happily HSing and dad decides to take up with his secretary,.. “

I hadn’t thought of it that way. Good points.

3 08 2010
JJ

Chris and Lynn are right that it’s a good point, that the innocent shouldn’t suffer in divorce. But they (the kids) always do. And it was arguably worse when it was a fault-finding free-for-all.

6 08 2010
Crimson Wife

I know a couple of women who were legally separated from their husbands for 15-20 years before they finally divorced. They were in major denial and believed that their estranged husbands would eventually come to their senses & return home. The husbands were happy to act like they were single without the financial costs of going through a divorce. It wasn’t until the “other woman” in both cases became pregnant that the estranged wives finally filed for divorce.

I think Americans are often too quick to divorce but in these cases of decades long separations, the marriages are clearly over whatever the legal status may be.

7 08 2010
JJ

A couple of decades later the Other Woman beocmes pregnant? She was also the Younger Woman then, most likely . . .

7 08 2010
Crimson Wife

In one case, I know for sure that it was not the original “other woman” because she would’ve been only 4 years old when the husband & wife separated. The “baby mama” is actually younger than both of the kids from that marriage (ick). The daughter is a friend of mine and this happened when we were both 25 & the dad’s girlfriend was 19 (double ick given the dad was in his late 50’s).

Not sure the details of the other case as I only knew the wife but I’d suspect that it probably wasn’t the original “other women” either.

8 11 2010
Homeschooling D-I-V-O-R-C-E With Children « Cocking A Snook!

[…] lots for Thinking Parents to think about. Some examples are seared in my memory, most recently Unity-n-Diversity and there was <a href="the North Carolina cult classic, remember that […]

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