“Spanking”: This is what’s wrong with it

3 11 2011

. . .even when it’s legal and sanctioned by School, Church and/or State.

It ruins relationships and trust. It distorts and destroys love, lives, mental health, reputations and careers. It creates monsters more often than curbing or curing them. Indeed it’s pretty much the opposite of “discipline” considering that the justified, disciplined and accountable person in any physical bullying drama tends to be the suffering, subjugated victim, not the calculated inflicter of pain and humiliation.

Teen daughter beaten by Texas-Judge Dad

See also:

Jessica Alba’s Idea of Award-worthy Parent Performance

Can you go all day without hitting a child?:

Can anyone really deny that we are perpetuating and endorsing the lesson of “might makes right” when we rule over our children using physical punishment?

Stop every kid-hitter you can — teach ’em a lesson!

Thinking about hitting and children

Child abuse is not home education:

Spankings were a minor part of the allegations. Hitting with objects and. . . in anger, yes, but there is much more to this story than that. . .

Fear of fashion and it’s not even a man-purse!

[S]chool policy doesn’t have to be about religion–much less Christmas–to be soulless . . .
Sooner or later, unthinking policy at school or home–from labeling children to make them tolerant of differences, to hitting children to make them stop hitting, to clipping their wings to teach them to fly–achieves its own natural consequence, a new unthinking norm, normally to the detriment of the very children the stupid rules are meant to “save.”

Is your love for your kids controlling?

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20 responses

3 11 2011
COD

I tired to watch the video. I can’t do it.

3 11 2011
JJ

I know, me too. That’s why I didn’t link it directly with a play button here. I saw excerpts on the news which was bad enough . . .

3 11 2011
JJ

Reading the NPR story was worthwhile, I think, though — mostly for the aftermath, the logical consequences of what it did to the family. And now what it’s finally doing to this SOB who so richly deserves it.

4 11 2011
Nance Confer

Thanks for the NPR link. I made it through that. But it mentions a younger sister. I wonder where she is.

4 11 2011
COD

Just read that they can’t file charges because the statute of limitations on child endangerment is only 5 years. The police are conferring with the Feds to see if there are any Federal charges that may apply, but it sounds like a long shot.

4 11 2011
Resa

A lot of people in this part of the world (I live a couple of towns over from the Judge) sincerely believe that you can’t raise decent children without spanking them. Even if it goes against their personal desires and inner conscience, they’ll still do it because the church and greater society states that to not beat your children is to neglect them. It’s a powerful meme, and very hard to counter. 😦

We have never spanked our children, and you would not believe the wingnutty things I have heard both from spankers and non-spankers.

4 11 2011
JJ

I grew up around southern folks like Resa knows, and I agree it’s a powerful meme, hard to get through to them. Remember the pull of “Authority” in the Milgram shock experiments . . . it makes me want to help them see that both “heaven” and “hell” are run by Authoritarian fiat, by noticing that this one specific husband-father-judge was all about using his authority to create a hell on earth. And he succeeded. So this particular wife and daughter got out from under his hellish authority and now it seems most children and families in his circuit will be spared it henceforth, too.

If they could just go that far and no further, it would be a useful beginning toward noticing other things about hellish authority, maybe?

4 11 2011
Nance Confer

As long as he’s off the bench, Chris, some sort of justice has been served. Or further injustice prevented.

4 11 2011
Nance Confer

Maybe the Feds or someone should review all his cases. I feel sorry for the kid sent home with some monster of a parent because this dickhead judge said it was okey-dokey with him. Maybe some of them can be saved.

4 11 2011
JJ

Also I heard former prosecutor Wendy Murphy tonight on cable, saying there was a federal “color of law” provision, that because he was a judge while violating his wife’s and daughter’s constitutional rights, could well apply if the feds wanted it to. And that the TX officials saying oh too bad, were disingenuous because the daughter could be interviewed and testify to other incidents of abuse that would still be prosecutable . . .

4 11 2011
JJ

She said there was no way he should be walking around as a free human being, much less deciding important matters for other human beings.

4 11 2011
JJ

Parent rights? Ptooie!

4 11 2011
Stephanie

I’m a wimp. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the video. I did give the Jessica Alba article a peek and found it incredibly depressing. How can anyone’s maternal instincts allow her to lock her toddler in a dark closet to frighten him into submission? Don’t get me wrong. We’ve made awful mistakes in parenting, but that just blows my mind.

7 11 2011
JJ

Alert: the baby-whipping Pearls of Tennessee (NYT slide show here) are in the news again, after yet another “homeschooling” child’s death from “homicide by abuse” :

Debate over the Pearls’ teachings, first seen on Christian Web sites, gained new intensity after the death of a third child, all allegedly at the hands of parents who kept the Pearls’ book, “To Train Up a Child,” in their homes.

On Sept. 29, the parents were charged with homicide by abuse.

More than 670,000 copies of the Pearls’ self-published book are in circulation, and it is especially popular among Christian home-schoolers, who praise it in their magazines and on their Web sites.

7 11 2011
JJ

That the three known deaths involved adoptees worries Lisa Veleff Day of Portland, Me., who adopted two children from Ethiopia. “These children have been ripped from their home country, extended family, culture and language,” she said.
“The last thing they need is to be smacked around.”

Mr. Pearl said he opposed the adoption of older children.

8 11 2011
Nance Confer

But, he said, the beatings should continue.

8 11 2011
Nance Confer
8 11 2011
JJ

Compassionate cock of the snook to unschooling mom Deanne for this:

“When I was about twenty years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time.

“But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking–the first in his life. And she told him he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying.

“He said to her, ‘Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock you can throw at me.’ All of the sudden a mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, it mkaes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.

“The mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. Because violence begins in the nursery–one can raise children into violence.”

~From a peace prize acceptance speech given by Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking

By: Attachment Parenting International

21 11 2011
JJ

Okay, you’ve all seen the photos and video by now, of the cold-blooded point-blank pepper spraying of the young people at UC Davis, by campus police. Today it was revealed that the calm, calculated inflicter of the spray — being sure it caused maximum pain to the eyes or when faces were shielded, pulling up a shirt to spray bare skin and blister it — was a former US Marine and veteran of both city and campus policing.

I guess they don’t call it the police “force” for nothing.

Pepper spray is designed for use in a riot situation, from 15 feet away. Eleven students are significantly injured and suffering as I write.

Baring skin to blister it? Here’s what hit me today: it wasn’t necessarily sadism or torture or insanity; this general attitude toward punishing misbehavior from a dominant position with no recourse or escape, isn’t even thought inappropriate from Authority’s POV. Although not meant to control a riot or stop crime or even to defend the authority figures (bigger, well-armed, well-shielded themselves and exercising their dominance without resistance from their targets) it’s perfectly justified by an unfortunately all-too-familiar domestic American meme: paternalistic corporal punishment of children and students.

He was “TEACHING THEM A LESSON” and he was doing it exactly as pain-punishment advocates prescribe parents and teachers must do: coolly and while the victims are made to submit and not fight back, and for maximum “impact” as memorable deterrence.

I wrote in the original post something that fits what I saw this authority figure doing and what I see will be the effects:

It ruins relationships and trust. It distorts and destroys love, lives, mental health, reputations and careers. It creates monsters more often than curbing or curing them. Indeed it’s pretty much the opposite of “discipline” considering that the justified, disciplined and accountable person in any physical bullying drama tends to be the suffering, subjugated victim, not the calculated inflicter of pain and humiliation.

Just like the Texas judge dad beating his daughter and defending it as no more than she deserved. Someone better be sure parental rights aren’t extended by conservative bible believer law-and-order types on SCOTUS, to include lining up kids for pepper-spray punishment at home. . .

28 07 2013
JJ

Apparently it changes brain waves
too?

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